


The Overload of Lloyd Allen

by lividhowl



Series: Lloydven Fics [1]
Category: Paul Shapera - All Works, Shaperaverse, The Ballad of Lost Hollow - Shapera, The New Albion Radio Hour: A Dieselpunk Opera - Shapera
Genre: Autistic Character, How Do I Tag, M/M, Paul Shapera - Freeform, Sensory Overload, Short & Sweet, Stimming, autistic lloyd allen, its kinda angsty oops, new body!lloyd, this is after he picks up a fresh new flesh vessel and he realizes Oop More Sensitive, why are the shaperaverse tags on this site a fucking MESS yall smh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23513548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lividhowl/pseuds/lividhowl
Summary: "While there was plenty he could handle, Lloyd was particularly sensitive around so many different inputs. Especially now in his new body, which while he had got accustomed to in many ways, he still was getting back into the swing of feeling so much again. It was like he was tossed back into life in full HD, after living with just the fuzziness of much lower quality senses. His normal was tossed on its head yet again, and it made him anxious and so very prone to easily being overwhelmed from his senses."
Relationships: Lloyd Allen/Raven (The Ballad of Lost Hollow), Lloydven
Series: Lloydven Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691893
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	The Overload of Lloyd Allen

**Author's Note:**

> Used my own experiences and feelings on the topic of sensory overload/shutdowns, so this might not be everyone's exact feelings abt them... but yea. I found out this was a headcanon that Existed and I've run fucking wild with it.

Lloyd had come out to the carnival to see his partner’s performance, but after the show, he was at a bit of a loss with everything that was happening. The carnival was in full swing now, complete with dozens of rickety rides starting and stopping every few minutes, plenty of food stands which drew the crowds with the wonderful smells of the sickeningly sweet foods they offered, and screaming children who ran by, their poor mothers and fathers in tote lagging far behind. He was pushed and bumped by the kids, and he groaned and winced every time he was pressed against without warning.

While there was plenty he could handle, Lloyd was particularly sensitive around so many different inputs. Especially now in his new body, which while he had got accustomed to in many ways, he still was getting back into the swing of feeling so _much_ again. It was like he was tossed back into life in full HD, after living with just the fuzziness of much lower quality senses. His normal was tossed on its head yet again, and it made him anxious and so very prone to easily being overwhelmed.

As night was falling, more and more bright neon signs sputtered to life, their incessant humming piercing his ears. He was always more sensitive to sounds like these, every ‘ping!’ of a game, or the sound of something being whipped at top speeds against an object, as well as the wailing or cheering of the small children of the crowd wore on him more and more. He began to subconsciously look for an exit, a quiet place for him to rest his senses. He tugged at his shirt, adjusting it by pulling a button out at the top, and pulled his suspenders loose. His face was flushed and hot, and he could feel heat rising all over himself. It was a telltale sign, yet he ignored it, persisting on to find somewhere to set himself down.

After a bit, he came upon a small alleyway, cuddled up between the food stands and the game stands and he quickly diverted his course into it, pressing his back to one of the stand walls, and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His hands found their way up to his head, covering his ears to protect them from the small roller coaster, that would send screaming children careening over a steep turn right behind the stands, every minute or so like perfectly tuned clockwork. He pulled at the hair at the back of his head hard, trying to divert his own attention away from the overstimulating noises all around him.

Everything was just so. _Fucking._ **_Loud._ **

_Everything was just_ **_Too. Much._ **

His hands and wrists started to curl and roll, and he pulled a hand away from his head to tap his thumb to each finger in a rhythmic motion, cooing gently to himself. A hum in his throat, it soothed him ever so slightly until the next screaming child ran past, until the roller coaster came around the bend. It was just far too much for him to handle on his accord.

Fumbling into his pocket, Lloyd pulled out his phone, the screen darkened already. He opened his messaging app and pulled up his boyfriend’s number, quickly tapping against the screen with one hand, while the other came down and pulled at his clothes- which were getting seemingly tighter and tighter as the time drew on. His fingers fumbled against the keys, pressing a few that were wrong in his messages, but he was too close to teetering off the edge to care about grammar.

Raven was off chatting with a crowd of people after the last show of the day, smiling and laughing along with them with a glass of scotch in his hand. He loved mingling with a few of the people after the show, drinking and having a good time. Then, his phone buzzed, and he excused himself for a moment to look at his messages- too many times has he opened raunchy things in public while people were looking at his phone.

He saw it was from Lloyd, and read it quickly.

_ravey? I need you to come find me please_

What’s wrong, darling of mine?

_I came out to the carnival to. see your show and it was amazing but now its so loud and the light s and the fuckin. The goddamn everything is a lot can you please just come find me_

Of course, sweetheart- where are you at though?

_between?? a cotton candy stand i think? cant remmeber the other one. theres a little roller coaster brehind the two of them tho_

On my way love. Hang in there, I know it's a lot, and I’m sorry… Be there soon. I love you 💜💗💜💗

_love you too... see u soon_

Lloyd shut his phone screen off, and buried his face into his knees, trying to block it all out until his boyfriend arrived. He adjusted and pulled at his shirt still, before putting his hands back up to his ears. People stared and whispered among themselves about the man in the alley from the street to his left, while Lloyd wanted to start sobbing right then and there. He hated being a spectacle because of this sort of thing. He just glared up at them, before burying his face back into his knees, trying to ignore it. It wasn’t anything he was supposed to be self-conscious about as he couldn’t help it very well, along with the fact that it was their fault for making him something to gawk at.

Raven searched the crowd, looking around every cotton candy stand, which were peppered about in the rows and rows of junk food before finding a small alley between two shops with a good few people staring at something. Raven just sighed, as he walked up to the crowd, pushing his way through it. A few of the floozies following him had started to get the crowd’s attention, drawing them elsewhere and away from Lloyd. Raven got through the crowd, and knelt down in front of Lloyd, making sure to not touch him or startle his boyfriend without him knowing. After a moment, Lloyd looked up from between his legs, eyes hazy and dripping with tears down his face. He looked just blank, the streams of water down his face the only thing indicating his current emotion. Raven smiled at him when he looked up.

“Hey there, Lilac…” He said, quietly to his partner. Lloyd made a small noise in his throat, trying to speak, but his voice box seemingly betrayed him, nothing coming from his attempt otherwise. Raven just sighed, scooting closer to his partner, but not touching him. After a few moments, Lloyd shifted his weight, picking himself up and sitting in Raven’s lap to lay his head against his boyfriend’s chest. Raven carefully picked his hands up and rested them on Lloyd, one just resting on his boyfriend’s waist, and the other gently covering his ear that was facing away from himself. Lloyd’s other ear was busy listening to his boyfriend’s heartbeat, calming himself down a bit. His fingers tapped against each other, before he picked up his head and turned their attention to the simple snaps that went down Raven’s front. He grabbed both sides of the fabric, and with a small ‘pop’, they separated. He redid the snap and popped it again. And again. Over and over. 

Raven just smiled and laughed a little at his boyfriend- this just being one of the many, many quirks he loved about Lloyd. His boyfriend was absolutely enamoured by his snapping shirt, focusing intently on that, the world lost around him. His face was still blank, but slowly regained a bit of that invested look as he messed with the snaps.

After a bit, Raven spoke up. “Lloyd, sweetheart, why don’t we head back to our room? You can relax much more, we can find you some of your fidgets… Sound good?”

Lloyd nodded quickly, as Raven tapped him a little. The smaller man sat back as his boyfriend stood up, but looked hesitant at the crowd, the lights, and the hundreds of smells around. He looked up at Raven. Almost as if on cue, the taller shrugged off his tailcoat, draping the deep purple fabric adorned with magentas over his boyfriend. Lloyd blushed, as he pulled his arms into the long sleeves. It was warm and cozy, no tags or scratchy spots to be felt. It also smelt heavenly- a mix of cigarettes and spilt scotch, with a distinct scent of just. _Raven._ He couldn’t describe it just right, a mix of many notes and colognes that his boyfriend always seemed to wear.

“Just walk quick, act like you’ve got somewhere to be, and stay close, alright Lilac?” Raven said, holding a hand out to his boyfriend. Lloyd nodded yet again, taking his hand with one, holding the front of the fabric to his nose and over his face to avoid the lights and the smells, putting his trust into his partner to guide him.

  
  


And then they were off- Raven, with his darling partner in tote behind him. Nobody dared to stop the pair, many even stepping out of the way as Raven walked along the path of least resistance to get to their shared home. Apart from the occasional flash of a few games, and the overpowering smell of fry oil, Lloyd felt much farther from that edge of overload. Raven pulled him particularly close when they went past the roller coasters- screaming children piercing Lloyd’s ears once again. He cooed to himself, small noises from his throat as he tapped his fingers to each other once again. Eventually, the two finally found their way to their shared home, Raven pulling his keys out and unlocking the door.

Lloyd trailed into the house behind him, feet feeling heavy and as if he was walking through mud. He sat down on the couch pulling his shoes off, before making a b-line for their bedroom, the purple fabric swishing behind him ever so gently. Raven went around their house, picking up whatever fidget and stim things Lloyd had laying around, finding some of his boyfriend’s favourite textures to soothe him after the whole ordeal. He picked out a massive fluffy makeup brush for his boyfriend from his cleaned pile, a set of dice the shorter man loved to loll around in his hands, along with a sweet, creamy slime one of the floozies had made just perfect for Lloyd. It smelled like coffee, and never was sticky or unpleasant for him to hold, always staying perfectly soft. 

Raven wandered off towards the bedroom with the items in his arms, finding his boyfriend with his big blocky vintage headset on his head, blissfully ignoring the world around him. He was scrolling through some of his social media, occasionally stopping on a video to watch. His hand was raised ever so slightly, gently wobbling back and forth in the large sleeve, only visible in the dark room from the LED lights that were hung around the headboard, set to a light cream colour and dimmed quite a bit. Raven smiled, and carefully sat on the bed next to his boyfriend, dropping the items he retrieved on the bed for his boyfriend. Lloyd lit up, picking up the makeup brush and quickly running it along his face in a certain pattern. His eyes were shut, and he looked blissful. Raven put the other things he had retrieved onto the side table next to their bed so that they wouldn’t be a bother to the two.

“Thank you…” Lloyd muttered out breathily, words obviously heavy in his throat and mouth. Raven knew he was still bouncing back from earlier, and he just laid back against the pillows a bit, relaxing and laying down for his boyfriend.

“You don’t need to talk if it feels hard to, Lilac… I’ll be here when you’re ready, you know that?” Raven said, quietly. Lloyd took a moment to process his words, then nodded, gently leaning back on the bed to lay with his boyfriend, still running the brush over his hands, before trailing the brush up his neck to run along his face. It was one of his favourite textures in the world, much to Raven’s displeasure, as it meant his brushes went missing quite often. But for now, he just smiled at his boyfriend, clad in his own purple tailcoat and running his fingertips along the head of the brush. The smaller man curled up close to his boyfriend in the dark room, and Raven put his arm around Lloyd. Lloyd picked up his off-hand, putting his middle and ring finger down on it, and gently wiggled it side to side towards his boyfriend as his hand did earlier. It was their sign for ‘I love you’, and Raven returned it, wiggling his hand the same way his boyfriend would. They shared a smile, before they settled back in together, relaxing for the night.


End file.
